The Little Moments

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

I am writing this on my 3 and a half hour journey home from Portsmouth after the #MHBlogAwards. Recently I have found myself lost in a fog of anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. A scary place to be when it feels like the force of those thoughts get stronger and you may be fighting a losing battle. The majority of my days, whilst I function normally, are filled with constant worry and a brain that seems to constantly whisper that suicide is the answer. It is draining fighting the thoughts and pretending that everything is ok. Sometimes, however, I get little moments of rest bite. Days where talking isn't too difficult, where my brain has the space to think of other things, where I don't feel constantly on the edge of a panic attack and where my cheeks actually ache from smiling. 

Mindful moments: Water

If you are living in the UK then you will be, like me, in the midst of an extremely hot summer. 34 degrees is not the usual summer temperature we experience and so it is when it is a sweltering heat that we appreciate water to the max. But whilst, of course, I am grateful to drinking water for keeping me alive and for living in a country where there is literally an endless supply of water, this post is about the sea. 

Sexuality labels and questions, what am I?

It is no secret that I am a virgin as it is something that a couple of months ago I took the plunge to discuss on here, if you missed that post you can read it here. Yes, I am a virgin, but I've also never kissed a guy or even had a boyfriend. Anyone I have had an interest in has always been a one-sided affair and I've never even had a guy ask me out. So at 21 you begin to wonder perhaps what is wrong with you.

Mindful moments: Sound

I have decided to start a new mini blog post series called mindful moments. In the moments where I am most mindful, I find myself grateful for the simpler things. So I thought I would share these in a mini midweek blog post which will hopefully fall before your eyes every Thursday.

Summer body hair, don't care

It is  that time of year where girls are conditioned to have smooth legs, under arms and bikini. Whilst in winter we can get away with being au naturel, summer is a place where hair (supposedly) doesn't belong. After many summers of ridding myself of hair as soon as it regrows, this year I am a little more chilled.

2018 so far- mental health, living abroad, life update

I like to think that I am honest with you about my mental health and my life but I am not sure if I have been really as honest as I could have been these past 6 months, not only about the bad but also the good. So here is an honest chat about my life in that time, living abroad, mental health, family life, and travel. An all-round honest update. You may want a cuppa for this one because it'll be long.

Relapse

Trigger warning, self harm. 

Since August I have been plunged into a relapse. Anxiety, emetophobia, depression and self-harm all coming to have a go at me. Holding me prisoner.