Monday, 30 March 2020


Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

We are currently going through an immensely anxiety provoking time. We are surrounded by uncertainty, stuck in our houses, bombarded by the news and left unsure with what to do with ourselves. I am the first to say that some nights I am left awake, nauseous with the weight of the world. Other nights my brain physically hurts as it spirals with thoughts.

I know I am not alone in this. 

Lockdown is especially hard for those of us with pre-existing mental health conditions, our illnesses thrive in solitude. And with the whole world in the same boat, it feels as though we cannot escape. That dreaded C word is everywhere ... and for the first time when we say that we aren't referring to Cancer. 


I often tend to see the negative in a lot of things, perhaps that is my anxiety always preparing me. But today I went for a 40-minute walk, just me and my dog, and found such a deep gratitude during that time, that perhaps many of us can adapt. 

In this past week, and for the foreseeable future, life has been hugely simplified, it is back to basics. For many of us all we need to do is eat, sleep and do a bit of exercise. For those of us who are incredibly, incredibly lucky, we are paid to stay at home. In the hectic schedules of our normal lives  we seem to always be wishing for more time. Time to be with our children, time to read those books we have always wanted to read, time to redecorate or garden, time to learn that skill we have always wanted to learn, time to sleep, meditate and just be. 

For the first time for many, we have time. Soon that will be gone and we will be back to normal, and life as we knew it will carry on again. There will be traffic and long workdays, there will be late nights and early starts, there will be queues for coffee and meetings upon appointments upon meetings. 

Life, as it is in this present moment, is not easy. I am not trying to downplay that at all in this post, but what I am trying to say is that we have to make the best out of a shitty situation. It is hard not to worry, but if you can spend just 5 minutes being present and grateful a day, it really does boost how you feel mentally. 

I know not everyone is this fortunate. I am thinking of those of you who are self-employed and are struggling to make ends meet, I am thinking of those of you who are key workers; supermarket staff, bin men, teachers ect who are keeping our society running and of course all of the NHS workers who are working every day to save lives whilst putting their own at risk. Thank you.

Take a deep breath, in and out. We will get through this. 

Stay safe, stay home. 



  1. and... breathe indeed. Your post reminds me that I must get back to my meditation routine, thank you for that. I agree with you on every level here Angie, you're totally right, some of us are lucky, incredibly lucky, despite our respective struggles.

    For me, it's more a mix of logistics (having to do all the shopping less frequently, more locally and coming back with heavier trolley, whilst also doing almost all the rest in the flat as Rose is going through some physical pains) ; and the mental aspect of lockdown, inability to profit from the clear nice sky and some of the warmer days outside.

    I had to postpone my CBT, which is held in THE hospital (CHU) where they diagnose & treat all this pandemic patients, and so I deemed that though my CBT is important, I can continue most of my exposure tasks at home and during the rare outings, and not risking the other type of exposure by going to the CHU. I hope I won't have to postpone my psychotherapy, as I get it every 3ish months, and having to wait longer has always been a setback. The only positive thing that will happen if I do have to postpone it, is that the pharmacy will still deliver my antidepressant with the current (and normally ending) prescription, even though I wouldn't have the new one. I'd have to contact him and ask if I have to stay on current dosage or increase it, though.

    On the flip-side, however, I'm an introvert so I don't really get bored, I find occupations here, from those aforementioned flat tasks, having started a slow spring cleaning, also reading a book, now resuming blog reading and composing, playing vigeo games and chatting with friends, not to loose the social contact that is primordial in these trying times.

    Let's breathe, and whenever you need me, you know you can rely on my presence, message and I'll reply asap. hugs & lots of love -we'll get through this. Lulu

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