Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Where have I been? Finishing uni, losing my brother, what's next?

It has been a hot minute since I last sat down to blog. In fact, if you follow me on social media you may have noticed that I have been quieter than usual on there too. So I thought I would take the time to give an update of sorts, so grab a cuppa, it could be a long one.

As you can tell from the title of this post, I have finished university. It feels so good to finally be able to say that! I have worked so incredibly hard for the past four years, working at a degree that at times I have utterly hated has been quite the challenge. But I did it and in July I will be graduating with a degree in French and Italian! 

But often the question that now keeps popping up is, what's next? Everyone wants to know, and this is one of my most dreaded questions simply because I do not know the answer. Sometimes, dependant on who I am talking to, I'll make up an answer, saying that I'll go into translation or teaching, but in reality, I have no idea. 

This degree has REALLY taken a toll on my mental health and I am at complete burnout at the minute. Everything I used to enjoy, just doesn't interest me anymore, not even mental health campaigning and that has always been my biggest passion. So first I need to take some time out for me. I need to get back to a stable place, where I enjoy life, have found my passions again and can make a balanced decision about what is next for me. Although I can already guess that there is a high probability that whatever comes next won't include languages. Well maybe French, if I'm desperate. 

A period of unemployability was not in my plan, yet here I am staring it right in the face. Well, I guess that isn't completely true, I currently have 2 small jobs which I work for a little side money. I was, however, fully expecting to finish university and go straight into a graduate job. It isn't working out that way and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that that is okay. 

My degree, however, hasn't been the only reason that I have been MIA recently. I can't explain the whole story because it isn't all mine to tell and equally I am not the only one affected. But drugs have been a part of my family life for the past year and after an incident, at the beginning of March, my brother was required to leave the family home. Since then we haven't heard much, we have no idea of his whereabouts and he has chosen to mostly cut ties. It has been really hard to try to understand how all of a sudden your best friend and brother can become someone so unrecognizable. Only time will heal this one, unfortunately.

My come back to blogging may be slow, but it is very much a passion I hope to find again. I am starting to have ideas again and I am hoping to bring something new to the blog. Mental health has always been the prime focus of this blog, but that doesn't define me as a whole person and I want to start bringing other parts of myself to my space on the internet.

It's been an odd year so far, and I need to adjust to my new pace of life, but I am back! 

Thank you for being patient and sticking around and I will see you again soon! 

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