Saturday, 24 February 2018

Who Am I?

Who am I? This was a post that originally was going to be an introduction of who I am as it's been a while since I've formally introduced myself (that's if I ever introduced myself in the first place which I am not sure I did.) However, as I began writing, the weight of this simple yet actually complicated question grew and I realised that I don't know the answer. 

In simple terms I know who I am. A girl from England. 21 years old. Brown hair although I almost never support my natural look. Wears glasses. Studies languages. Blogger. Sufferer of ill mental health. *dot dot dot* 

Society has you believe that once you have been through those turbulent teenage years you should have a pretty concrete sense of self but I don't think I've ever had such a fragmented sense of self. I've always known who I am, what I believe, what makes me happy, what I want from life etc. Yet here I am, 21, travelling, and suddenly its all crumbling and I am at a halt. 

Who am I? 

I don't know. 

But I do know this, I've spent the last 2 and a half years blogging about mental health, talking about mental health and spent the last 5 years living through mental illness. I think I've put so much energy into my blog, my followers, looking after other people, be that people in my personal life or strangers on the internet that I've officially lost myself. The only response that seems fit to answer the "who am I?" question is "a blogger". 

I don't want to give up on mental health blogging because it sure does give me a great sense of joy, and it is also an outlet whilst simultaneously helping other people. But I know that there is more to me than this. I just seem to have lost that person. 

I know at some point in life we all lose ourselves a little, crucially during periods of growth, which I'm finding myself in. Travelling seems to do that, it seems to make you question a few things. But for the first time, I'm not sure who I am. I've reached an odd halt, and I am unsure of many things. 

The next question that arises then is "how do I find myself?" Another question that merits the answer, I don't know. I think first I need to take a step back from social media. I'm far too plagued by other peoples (often strangers) lives, I'm far too engrossed in blog views, followers, and the amount of hearts a tweet can get. 

But aside from that I'm not sure how else to begin this hunt for Angela. So maybe that's why I am writing this, because I know for a fact that I am not the first person to feel this way and I indeed won't be the last. So if you have felt lost, how did you find you again? Where did you find your true self hiding? 


  1. Angie, You have shared so much and helped many. Social media is only one part of your life. Focusing on the oher parts is important. I wish you the best of luck with your journey. Jeff

    1. Thank you for your comment Jeff. You are so right, social media is only one part of my life, yet I seem to have let it take over my entire life. But thats a change that will be made from now.

  2. For years I was lost. Actually buried might be a better term. Buried within and hiding under the many masks I wore to please others. I didn’t realize how much of my life was about chasing someone else’s definition of success. Or fitting their mould because I wasn’t confident enough to fit mine. Which is crazy to say now because I was always the ultra self confident bordering on cocky kind of guy.

    By far the best thing I ever did for myself was something called The Hoffman Process. It helped me realize why I was choosing to please others instead of putting myself first and having the confidence to be me. But like you said, Who am I? I wish I had some deeply insightful, inspiring quote, but I don’t.

    What’s given the most happiness and fulfillment in life is quite simply taking inventory of why I do anything. If it drains my energy, it’s not me. And I don’t do it. If it gives me energy, if I get excited about it, then I’m all in. Because I know that’s the real me. Love is energy. It it fills me up, I have enough to share with others.

    I gave too much for too long without ever filling up my own cup. It’s not about being selfish. It’s about being self full. I do things because I love it, not because other people expect me to. And I don’t have to apologize or feel guilty about it.