Sunday, 10 December 2017

I am beautiful

I am beautiful. Something I may not say very often because we live in a society where you are seen as vain if you think so positively about yourself. Most days, like the majority of people my age, my self esteem is lower than it should be. But some days, like today, I know that I am beautiful. Not the type of head turning beautiful, not the type of dribble beautiful but someone whose beauty grows as you get to know them.

Our society feeds off our flaws, it continually tells us that we are imperfect and tries to sell us products and diets and fitness regimes to achieve perfection, on the outside at least. And with everyone so focused on the outside, on being slim but curvy, on having the right shaped brows and the perfect lip shade, the soul often gets left out. Our outer beauty is constantly under scrutiny, by our followers, by our peers, by our family. We are constantly fed images of how we 'should' look and these images are the root of all evil.

For years now people have told me I am beautiful. Mainly my mum and people of her age and I always believed they were just saying it for the point of being polite. At the end of the day I judge my outer beauty by the fact that I am an almost 21 year old who still hasn't had their first kiss. That must mean I am ugly, right?

Only recently have I realised how wrong that assumption is. I know I am not a head turning beautiful, but for many years I wished I was. I always considered myself the ugly friend and the ugly sibling. I have unbelievably gorgeous friends and my brother has always been that confident, good looking, popular kid, and then there was me. Skinny, geeky, shy and the over sized blazer certainly didn't help. But now, bit by bit, I am growing into myself. I am still skinny, geeky and shy but why does any of that need to equate to ugly? Having very little curves, partly due to genetics, partly due to struggles with food means that I am far from the image of perfection that society portrays today. I don't have, nor will I ever have (without surgury) big boobs, although when I put weight on I do have a cute bum to make up for my lack of boobage. I will never have huge hips or big lips. I am not societies idea of beauty.

Let me rephrase. I am not societies idea of outer beauty. But that doesn't mean I am not beautiful. I have eyes that look like they can hold the world in them, I have a flat stomach and small boobs that will never sag and hey, I can go braless whenever I want. I love my bum when I put on weight because I feel like a mini Kardashian and I love my ears and the piercings that I have decorated them with. I'm beautiful in my own way. But I'm not talking about outer beauty in this post because when I say that I am beautiful I'm talking about my soul. 

I may not be societies idea of outer beauty but I will give every piece of myself to you if you need it. I am painfully honest and real. I have conversations others don't want to have. I will make you laugh because I am silly and childish but equally, you want to talk about the deep stuff, that can happen too. I have passion that burns so brightly. I will stay up until the early hours if you need me. I will cook you dinner and carry you to bed if you are too tired from life to put one foot in front of the other. I will be your rock. I'm the one who will send you the homework because you haven't done it. I'm the one who will make you a scrapbook of our friendship just so that you can have memories to smile at. I will organise a birthday meal for you with all your friends because its your 18th and you aren't planning anything. I'll make you laugh when you feel like the world has lost its spark because hey I can fit peas in my nose.. look! I'll give you all my energy and attention even if it leaves me flat for days because I didn't leave anything for myself.

I am beautiful. Not the type of initially head turning beautiful, but the type of outer beauty that grows when you fall in love with my inner beauty. Not enough people in this world admit to their beauty.

Yes, I'm an almost 21 year old who hasn't had a boyfriend, does that make me ugly? No, it just means I'm a diamond. I've got to give my future boyfriend time to work through all the fake stones before he finds me. I know my worth and ain't no loser going to pass me off as less than I am, because I am beautiful. 


  1. I absolutely love your post!!! You are indeed beautiful Angie, and not just within. You may be currently skinny due to genetics and food issues, but that doesn't mean that once you heal you won't get some of the curves you wished for, so you can give yourself the time and tools to get where you want, for you! Not for anyone else.

    As for societal beauty standards: they are very fickle. They changed and will change again. Some of THE "beauty sex-bombs" from 70 years ago would be called too fat nowdays... Besides, even those norms are in only part of the world and part of our history...

    When you go back far enough, have you seen statues of female deities in our mythologies? Often, with curves, even lots of them, and those were probably the high standards as it meant something.

    Meanings and standards change, and shift, so might as well disregard them all, and just be you, at all times.

    As for your personality, and open mindedness, and all your qualities as a care-giver : they are great, just remember to balance them with self-care, and to continue on this self-love and self-discovery, and you'll get all the relationships in due time.

    You're not ugly, you're pretty, and you'll still turn heads, no worries, just from the ones who will see past the regular standard, and follow their own.

    I love the humour about the bum VS boobage (insert laugh emoticon).

    1. Thank you for your comment Lulu you have made many good points regarding how standards of beauty constantly change and how its just so much easier to be ourselves.

  2. I honestly adore this post! It's really opened up my eyes. The standards of "beauty" at the moment is awful. You have to be this type and I hate that. Everyone is beautiful, no matter what. Think what the inside is like first before you look to the outside.

    I for a fact, think you are beautiful!

    Fix Me In Forty Five - A Mental Health Blog


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