Sunday, 8 October 2017

A letter to the healthier me

To a healthier me,

There are many old versions of myself that I could address this letter to, some versions were worse off, others better off but this letter is to myself last year, to a healthier, better version of myself.

The quote "you never know what you have until it's gone" resonates so much with me at the moment. Last year I didn't quite appreciate how well I was in comparison to now. Every day is a struggle of being stuck in this little brain of mine. Days dictated by feeling sick caused by anxiety, days filled with the viscous circle of feeling ill so not wanting to eat and then feeling ill because I am really hungry, days filled with a lack of excitement for life, days filled with not really caring about anything anymore. I have no motivation for my university work or any motivation for my blog or my twitter chat. Oh, healthier Angela, I wish you were here to enjoy this instead because we have been blessed with such an amazing opportunity. You would love it here, we are surrounded by the most beautiful views, we don't have to worry about money, we don't really have to worry too much about university as we don't even need to even pass all our modules. This really is a blessing. Which makes this all even harder, because I know that I am living the dream at the moment, yet you would enjoy this 1000% more than I am. I wish I could just wake up from this haze in my brain because I know how lucky I am. 

I will find you again one day, I know I will, I just don't know how long it will take. I will find motivation for all the things I used to love again, I will wake up in the morning again excited to be alive, I will fall asleep again feeling content about the day that has just passed. I will get back to a point where music connects to me on a different level, I will laugh again and feel other emotions than anxiety and a low mood. 

To a healthier Angela, I hope we can be reunited soon so that we can enjoy at least part of this beautiful experience. I will get through this, but in order to find you again I have to work hard. I know that the day I look in the mirror and your sparkle is in my eye that I have somewhat made it. 
I hope to see you soon. 


  1. I was crying by the end of this. That final line was just... it will stay with me long after i turn off my screen. Sending so much love your way, please take time for YOU this autumn and remind yourself of the girl you were and CAN be xxx

    Bumble & Be

  2. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Sophie! It means a lot x