Monday, 29 August 2016

An open letter to my 16 year old Self

To my 16 year old self,

How are you? Stupid question right? I know things suck right now but I'm you,we are approaching 20 years old and we are happy, an emotion that you rarely feel at this point in time but trust me, you will feel it again. When I think back to you I realise how much I have learnt and thought I would write you a letter of hope. 

You have just turned 16 and things are going to get a lot harder lovely. Mum is going to get very ill and no one can prepare you for how hard it is going to be, but you are strong enough and you will get through it, all of you will. When people offer to help you, let them, you are only 16 and do not need to do everything on your own. Those teachers that keep forcing you to talk about things at the moment, cherish them, they are going to help you throughout the next 3 years and are going to catch all your tears and be right by your side when you need them.

 I know right now you are staying strong for everyone else and at this current moment in your life we are the only ones who know that you are self harming but lovely please listen. You think you can hide it forever and that you will stop once mum is better, I'm afraid it won't work like that. You will have to tell mum one day, there will be arguments and tears and the trust will be broken for a while, but you will get the help you need.

 You will start sixth form and these will be the most academically challenging years of your life. You will be diagnosed with anxiety and things will begin to make sense. You will lose some friends due to your mental health but in the long run its best, because if they can't be there for you at your worst then why do you want them to be there at your best?
You will have a very hard relationship with dad, a lot of people will tell you to cut ties, do what your heart wants, not what everyone else advises you to do.

You will get your first set of A level results and the future you saw for yourself will melt away, you will no longer be doing an English degree lovely, but that's ok. Breathe, everything happens for a reason.You hate Italian at the moment and will believe that you are rubbish at it, but believe it or not we are currently doing a degree in Italian and as i write this to you we are in Italy.

Mum will continue to have hospital appointments and falls and to start off with this will worry you a lot but it will become a part of normal life and it will be okay. You will go to the university of your choice however leaving school will seem like an impossible task but trust me when I say, it will be hard but it will be the best thing to ever happen to you. You will learn a lot about how strong you really are and will become a beautifully independent woman.

Things may seem grey now but storms never last forever and now at 20 the skies are blue, apart from the odd shower but hey that's life!

Chin up lovely, we can do this


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