Wednesday, 9 September 2015

On The Other Side

I am a normal 29 year old girl. I live in North London and have an incredible life. I have an amazing family, complicated in its make up but bolted together by love. I am blessed to be surrounded by talented, clever funny friends and get to do a job that I love every day. I have the freedom to travel, which I do, I like my appearance and I am lucky enough to be financially stable. To top it all off, last week I married the man I have been in love with for the past 12 years in a beautiful ceremony in the south of Spain. And yet… and yet I don’t always find it that easy to feel the happiness I always should. Please don’t get me wrong I always know when I SHOULD feel pure happiness but it’s not always that easy.

I am someone who suffers from anxiety. I know deep down that I think, act and respond to the world in a way that is different to other people. Other people don’t seem to suffer from feeling out of bodied (like you are watching yourself in a play), or feel like that they have to remind themselves to breathe some days, or feel like their chest is so tight it might totally squish their heart OR my favourite… being actually sick from worry.(That’s a real thing, not just a phrase!)Anyone? No? Just me? However I know I am not alone in this but it isn’t widely talked about. In fact it can be quite the mood killer really. Especially when words like “depression” get brought up over dinner. Dum dum DUUUUH.

But for the record I am not depressed. I have been in the past and I may again be in the future and whether I am predisposed to think like this or whether this is some kind of brain reaction to early trauma I am not sure that I care. I have been to counselling and been offered the pills but I have found other and better ways of coping.

Frankly I know that when my eyes and heart are free to work as they should, this big short life we have been given is pretty great.

On The Other Side
(Check out On the Other Side's Instagram page to follow her journey)

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