Sunday, 6 September 2015

An anxious child

I was always an anxious child, I always seemed to see things from the dangerous perspective and I grew irrational fears of things.  Fears that would lead me to avoid certain situations completely; sleepovers, the cinema, theme parks, phone conversations unless I had a script in front of me or anywhere where anyone could be ill (school during the times where there were plenty of illnesses going around were hell). A lot of these fears I would hide from people because  I was scared they would judge me on having such a limited life.  I truly believed I would grow out of this.

After some distressing family events many years later, this feeling just seemed to worsen. It stopped me sleeping, stopped me eating and this is where my real journey began. In 2013 I was diagnosed with anxiety and it didn't quite make sense to me to begin with. Sure enough I couldn't eat or sleep but otherwise I felt fine the majority of the time. But other people picked up on my anxious habits, the little twitches that gave away my anxiety; the way I would pull the ends of my hair, shake my legs when nervous or the inability to look someone in the eye.

If someone asked me to explain what anxiety feels like during a attack the only way I can explain it is, it feels as though someone has tightened a belt around my chest so that I can't breathe.  I have to tell myself that I can obviously breathe otherwise I wouldn't still be alive. Anxiety attacks are relatively easy to deal with in comparison to panic attacks. During a panic attack my breathing is a lot shallower and this causes me to get pins and needles in various parts of my body causing me to freak out even more because I then fear  that I will pass out. 

My weight dropped very low and how I was getting through a day upon reflection is beyond me. But slowly things started to get better. And I felt like I was getting my life back again. However, this didn't last long and just when I thought anxiety couldn't get worse, I started to suffer from panic attacks, due to one of my friends going through something I had gone through previously, it triggered old memories for myself causing me to panic.  As these grew more frequent and were interfering with my day to day life, I had no option but to seek medical help. However due to seeing the last effects that medication can have on other members of my family my mum wanted to try to go down a more natural route, and so I started to take Alfalfa in a liquid form 3 times a day, which to my surprise actually worked. I also learnt breathing techniques to get me out of panic attacks. Now 2 years on, I am a lot better, I still get anxious about things that seem so small to other people, and sometimes I have to miss out on outings with my friends due to this. But I have found that through smells I can calm myself, my personal favourite: Lavender oil and I only take the Alfalfa when I feel it is absolutely necessary. I have also learnt my warning signs, so if I start to feel I can't eat or sleep or I see my legs tremble I try to take a step back and remind myself it is okay. The feeling will pass, it has no option but to.

An Anxious Child

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